About Me (Grieving Dad)
I am just your average, ordinary, every day guy. I've tried to live a normal event-free life. However, God decided otherwise. I always knew from a very young age that I wanted to be married and have a family. For as long as I can remember, I've always been told that I work well with children. It seemed that I was destined to go down the path of having a family. I knew that family life was something I wanted to check off of the bucket list.
I met my wife, dated for a year, got married at the second year, and she got pregnant at year three with our son. We were thrilled. We were over the moon. This is exactly what we both wanted. After my wife told me that she was pregnant, she came home and we talked in the kitchen. I'll never forget that conversation. She point blank asked me (before we ever knew of the real events that would unfold), "What happens if we have a child with medical needs?" and my response was "If God wants us to have one, then we'll have one". I don't know if God heard me and smiled or took that as a challenge, but He certainly obliged the request. Within the next three years, we had our son and daughter, both of which had multiple medical issues (some rare conditions too). The first three years of our marriage had us have two kids born a little over two years apart of each other that had a combination of issues that no one within a thousand miles could understand.
This thrust my family into a world of multiple Specialist Drs per child that needed to be seen every six months, numerous hospital stays, three therapists per child (OT, PT, and Speech), IEPs, and dealing with the government. I subsequently left my career and become a Stay-at-Home Father for the next 12 years. I did ALL of the physical medical care, ALL of the Drs visits, ALL of the hospital stays, etc. as well as ALL of the home life stuff (inside and out). I say this not to "toot my own horn", but to say that I did it to help make my wife as best as she could be since she was the breadwinner of the family at the time. I stepped up to help her out when she needed to focus elsewhere to allow me to do the "dirty" work at home. People have called me "exceptional", but I feel like I'm only doing what any caring father and husband would do in our situation.
I did all of this with exquisite precision and NASCAR pit stop like speed for 12 years. Since both of my kids were nonverbal, I learned to read nonverbal cues and body language very well. I could tell what my kids were thinking and feeling just by looking at them. I become so good at it that I could see subtle changes or hear certain sounds that I knew were sounds that meant I needed to take my son to the hospital. That very understanding and intuition saved my son's life a few times. It worked well until three days before my son's passing on Jan. 28, 2022.
I won't get into the details of how, what, or why of my son's passing. You can read that via the blog excerpts on the main page or via the Facebook page of the same name. However, after a period of time of grieving HARD, I decided that I wanted to do something positive with my son's life and legacy. I wanted his memory to create a positive impact on the difficult world of grief. I wanted all grievers, especially men, to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not always a freight train headed their way. I wanted to be raw, open, and transparent. I wanted to show the good, the bad, and the ugly of grief in hope that I could connect with at least one other person experiencing the pain I felt. I wanted to nonverbally say, "Hey. I see you. I hear you. I'm here for you. I get it." I wanted to be the person they could reach out it even if I only sat in the dark with them and let them cry. I believe I have achieved that and I am growing it.
"Letters to Zachary" was born out of the ashes of pure devastation and has risen like a phoenix. I have been blessed with four digit following, having followers from around the world, and doing media from all around the world. I would not be where I am without YOU. It is my hope that I can help you through your darkest times with my unique view on life, death, trauma, and grief. It is my goal to be that support you need while I navigate this lifelong journey of grief myself. Thank you for visiting my website and/or Facebook page. You are welcome here anytime. Thank you for your support. God bless.